If you add up all the days afield I've managed to enjoy, the total might surprise even myself. There have been so many they all seem to run together into one giant blur. Most of those days afield created their own sets of memories, some challenging, some exciting, some spooky, and a precious few comical. I suppose some of the best memories were created sitting around the campfire reliving many of those comical moments. I still find myself laughing out loud when I thumb through my 'braggin book' and relive the behind the scenes moments that elicited some of the funniest escapades our group experienced.
One of the funniest occurred a good number of years ago when Me, Rocky, Ralph, Neuman, my brother Ken and Curtis took a trip over to Arkansas' Big Piney river for some whitewater adventure. It was late in the spring and that season there had been some good rains so the Big Piney was running pretty good which generated several good sets of rapids a couple approaching class III. We spent a few days over there running the river in open canoes and having a blast. Me and Rocky witnessed two of the most inept canoers we've ever encountered. We were waiting for a few of the others in the group to show up at one of the putin locations. Just down from the put in was the first set of rapids, but above it was a nice wide calm pool, a perfect place from which to stage and set up your approach to those first rapids.
He and I paddled around on this calm stretch killing some time when two other guys showed up. They offloaded a cheap, smallish maybe a 12 foot fiberglass canoe that was designed to look like birch bark. You know, one of those promotional canoes that was dangerously functional. Now both of these guys were quite large, both well over 240 pounds, and it was obvious they had started their day downing several beers each. They dragged the canoe to the water's edge, piled in a large ice chest full of ice and several six packs of beer along with a few other assorted snacks and things. Rocky and I looked at each other and silently realized these guys knew nothing about what they were about to get into.
The canoe was too small for those big guys and when they shoved off, there could not have been more than a few inches of freeboard, that gap between the top of the gunwales and the waterline. They took about three strokes, traveled about 20 feet and lost their balance. Within seconds, in perfectly calm water, over they went spilling themselves and the contents of that large ice chest into the water. Within seconds, beer cans, paddles, cushions, and other contents from the chest started floating down stream.
Rocky and I couldn't help but laugh as we watched them struggle to get the canoe back to the bank. We did manage to salvage some of their spilled items and ice chest and took it back to them. It was perhaps the shortest float trip on record, for they immediately thru the beer, ice chest, gear, and canoe back onto their vehicle and drove off, cold, wet, humiliated. Rocky and I laughed for the rest of the day reliving that fiasco of a float. We can only imagine what might have happened to them had they continued on down river for there were several potentially dangerous rapids awaiting them had they done so.
Well, as we sat around the campfire discussing past adventures, we heard some canoers arrive and make a bunch of racket. We pretty much ignored them and because we were surrounded by the river cane, they could not see us. After a minute or two we heard someone making their way through the cane. It was pretty thick and it was difficult going but eventually a fellow backed his way to the edge of our campsite. He never saw or apparently heard us, for just as he stepped into the clearing with his back to us...(wait for it)...he unbuckled his pants and squatted down attempting to take a dump right there.
Of course we all busted out laughing and the look of horror on the guys face was classic as he jumped to his feet fumbling to re-buckle his pants. He took off through the cane and much to our delight, we never saw him again. That incident became the topic of conversation for most of the rest of the day and ole Ralph said it all. While attempting to light his pipe between chortles, he said, "Boy boy, I aint never had anybody walk into my campsite to take a dump before." Then all laughed so hard we couldn't stop.
Sometimes, what seems funny as we remember back on them, wasn't so funny at the time. There was a classic canoeing comical moment that happened between Ralph and Rocky. We were floating the Buffalo River and it was early in the season and the water was cold and the air temperature was chilly. Rocky sat in the front of Ralph's old aluminum Grumman canoe and Ralph took up his position as he usually did in the back. Well they wanted to get out and stretch their legs so they angled toward a gravel bank. When the front of the canoe slid onto the bank it came to a stop and Rocky jumped out, grabbed the handle on the bow, and gave it a good tug to pull the canoe higher onto the bank. What he didn't realize was that Ralph had by this time stood up in the back about ready to step out. Well, when Rocky gave it a tug, it caused ole Ralph to do a backflip off the stern and land in freezing cold water. There were several problems with this. It was cold, he got wet, and his hearing aid which hung around his neck got soaked and conked out. Ralph was as deaf as a stump without it. After he recovered from his plunge, he stood up knee deep in the river and famously said, "Why'd you do that for Rocky?"
Well, Rocky of course felt awful about it and was apologetic to no end, but the damage was done. For the rest of the day, Ralph suffered through being wet, cold, and deaf, until they returned to the campsite where he was able to change into dry clothes and plug in his backup hearing aid.
These simple stories about misadventures afield offer more humor to those who lived them than they most likely do for others who can only read about them. There are many more similar stories I may share someday. But for now, I am content to allow these to serve their purpose and to hopefully give the reader a sense that quite few days afield do not always go as planned, but, simply because they do not is what adds fuel to nature's sense of humor.
